But Which Bit is the Moose?
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Diary and Notes
Artemis and Aphrodite are at an ante natal class, somewhere on Mount Olympus. Eurynome is acting midwife.
"And breath, that's it ladies, now push, and keep breathing..."
Artemis looks at Aphrodite a little embarassed by the whole affair. "This is bollocks. Just because that Eurynome has had a few kids, doesn't mean she should convince Zeus to make us all attend these stupid classes of hers."
"Yeah, crap innit." Replies the greatest beauty in all the universe, "She thinks her shit don't stink that one." Aphrodite, though stunning to look at, is actually quite crude of speach. "Last night, when Zeus and me was making the beast with two backs, all I could think about was her bloody pelvic floor exercises."
Artemis and Aphrodite are lying on their backs with cushions under their bums and their knees bent. Eurynome walks around them spouting psychobabble she gleamed from watching Oprah in the mystic scrying pool. "Now ladies, remember your adductor excercises."
"So what you got for dinner tonight then Aphy?" Asks Artemis, "I shot some sheep earlier and have a bit of lamb going spare, thought I'd rustle up a moussaka."
"Moussaka, that takes bloody ages. Naah, me and the fat lord of the universe is off to Panicos Kebab shop for some gyros and chips. Plus aubergines make me fart worse than Charybdis with gas. I could always do one with potatoes instead mind."
Artemis looks disappointed. "That's a bloody shepherd's pie you stupid cow. You're supposed to be the Greek goddess of love, not some Anglo-Saxon farming demigod."
"What's wrong with using potatoes instead of aubergines? Nobody likes aubergines anyway. People only eat them beacuse they think they're posh."
Artemis sits up and sighs, "No wonder Zeus thinks you're sex on a stick. Tits, arse and nothing between the ears. Oh well, I'll pop the lamb round later. Fifty legs be enough, I hear fatso's on a diet."
"Now ladies..." Pipes in Eurynome, "You'll have to concentrate when the day comes so it's better you practice now. One, two... Push!"
Apple Danish: It was in the shape of a christmas tree. How quaint.
Rice with Roast Peppers
Meat Sauce: Minced Lamb, Onions, Garlic, Black Pepper, Oregano, White Wine, Stock, Tomato Puree, Flat Leaf Parsley
Cheese Sauce: Olive Oil, Butter, Flour, Milk, Nutmeg, Black Pepper, Cheddar Cheese
Rice: Rice, Assorted Peppers, Parsley, Black Pepper, Lemon Juice
Salad: Iceberg Lettuce, Tomatoes, Cucumber, Olives, Feta Cheese, Olive Oil, Lemon Juice, Oregano, Salt, Black Pepper
Meat Sauce: Fry a little chopped onion in some olive oil. Add the minced lamb and keep cooking, stirring all the while, so as to brown all the meat. Add the minced garlic and fry a little longer. Pour in all the other ingredients and simmer away gently until the sauce becomes really thick (this may take a few hours). The longer and slower it's done the better.
Cheese Sauce: See Useful Tips. Add grated cheese and mix.
Assembly: Place the meat in an ovenprrof dish. Layer on the thinly sliced aubergines. Drizzle with a little more olive oil and bake for 1/2 an hour. Pour over the cheese sauce and bake until browned on top.
Rice: Place some peppers on a roasting tin and put in a hot oven or under a grill until they are blackened all over. Take out of the oven and put the peppers in an airtight bag to cool. When cooled the skins should just peel away easily. Slice and dice the peppers, mix with some warm rice add a little parsely, black pepper and a squirt of lemon juice.
Salad: Mix the oil, lemon juice, pepper, salt and oregano to make a dressing. The rest is obvious.