When I am Emperor

Sunday 13/3/2005

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Diary and Notes

One day I am going to be Emperor.

Not Emperor of ... and fill the blank in with some place name, nor THE Emperor or even Emperor Jon, all of these are lowly titles the likes of which men have held before. No, I am going to be Emperor and that's that.

And what will I do when I am Emperor? No doubt I will be dispensing my love and compassion over all mankind and setting the world to rights?

Nope, I wont do anything.

I shall be all powerful and have dominion over everything that walks, slithers, flies or just sits there and photosynthesises and I will do absolutely nothing.

Who am I to tell people how to live, that's not the job of Emperor - and if I have everything, then what's the point in worrying about stuff. I know that things will carry on quite well without me and will be able to get on with my life without having to bother with such irritating details as world politics, religion or marking essays (which I've been doing all weekend).

I shall hang around on an island somewhere in the Mediterranean sea (I fancy Malta and everybody else will just have to leave) and open a shack on the beach where I will give away banana pancakes to anyone who makes the pilgrimage to see me - and if they want to petition my help over some trifling matter (murderous civil war, rampant disease or lost cat for instance) I'll see what I can do, but I aint promising anything.

As stated previously, the inhabitants will be forced to move to the mainland, but they will be fairly treated; new villages, fishing boats, casinos etc... so they wont mind. I will become a bit like one of the old Greek oracles where, if you were brave enough to make the journey, wisdom might be dispensed in some bizarre fashion that was hard to interpret (I will be very obtuse). It will also be necessary to come via a torturous route and anyone just turning up by plane or powerboat will be blasted into outer space by my army of genetically enhanced superwomen

On the plus side, the pancakes will be excellent and there will be just a light dusting of icing sugar and the syrup will be flavoured with freshly squeezed limes and some toasted cinnamon. In the evenings we'll barbecue mussels and shrimp and drink wine and have a roaring beach fire made out of driftwood. Then in the morning, after a fine breakfast of sausage, eggs and bacon, you'll have to go back home and sort out the problems of your own lives for yourself.

That's my idea of government - giving a well earned feast and a word or two of good advice, then keeping their noses out of my life and letting me make my own mistakes. Who wants anything more?

Cake Blog

A mixture of strawberry ice cream, muesli and strawberry sauce. I'm calling it Rick Wakeman's Chunder. (He was the keyboard player in The Strawbs and apparently drank quite a bit.)


  • Chicken Tetrazzini

  • French Bread
  • Gorgonzola Cheese


  • Chicken, onion, carrot, celery, garlic, bay leaf, spaghetti, olive oil, bacon, red pepper, mushrooms, parsley, black pepper, salt, Parmesan cheese.


  • Place the chicken (a whole chicken if you have one, I only had a half but that's easily enough for little old me) in a big pot. Finely dice the onion, carrot and celery and add to the pot along with the chopped garlic and bay leaf. Cover with water, add some salt and pepper and simmer gently for 3 hours. Remove the chicken and allow to cool a little so as to be able to remove the meat. Chop the bacon and fry in a little olive oil, then add the green pepper (diced) and the chopped mushrooms. Place the pasta in an oven-proof dish and pour over the stock from the chicken pan (along with the vegetables). Mix in the bacon etc. Take the chicken meat off the bones and mix in with the pasta. Bake until the pasta is cooked (20 mins or thereabouts) and the liquid has been soaked up. Sprinkle on some parsley, loads of grated Parmesan and a grind or two of pepper.