Faites Chier La Vache

Sunday 10/4/2005

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Diary and Notes

You crazy English kaniggets! Why are you 'avin ze roastbeefs every Dimanche when zer is such a choice of tasty sings to do wiv your beefs and your mad English cows. Every week beef and pommes de terre a la four. 'Ow you do not get bored I don't know. We on ze not so crazy side of La Manche 'ave hundreds of recipes for beef and your soggy vegetables cooked for hours until zey is falling through a slotted spoon make us ill. Why are you eating zis stuff?

'Ere my British chumps, I will give to you a classic recette Francaise that your pasty white mothers used to make for dinner parties, but you 'ave all forgotten now that you live on pizza, 'amburgers and American trash food. 'Zis is not some crappy beef stew like your jellied eel sellers would make in your uncultured capital or a boring 'ot pot wiz Bet Lynch and 'er bit tits and puffy hair.

I know you wont be making zis, you are all too fat and lazy and your blubbery overweight children are sick because 'zey 'ave no fibre in their diet and eat chips for breakfast. You can't be bozered to be making a slow tasty casserole wiz wine because Eastenders is on an' you 'ave to walk the dog. So you eat your microwave fish fingers and your instant noodles and while you do we will seduce your women.

Bon chance mes amis and take care, we are only 30 kilometres away.


Before anyone says that today's dinner is similar to the Boeuf a la Grand Mére I am willing to accept some similarity in ingredients (though these are not exactly the same) but the dishes are very different as one is a piece of steak, quickly cooked and then drizzled with a little sauce, whereas today's dinner is a rich slow cooked stew. It is possible to make completely different dishes out of almost the same ingredients and I think that today is the case. If you wish to complain and accuse me of cheating you can always send me an email and start a debate, or more sensibly, cook both dishes and see if they are the same, I think you will then shut up and keep your big nose out of my affairs, you persnickety trouble maker you.

Cake Blog

Cadbury's Chunky: A new cake bar from everybody's favourite religious sect. Chocolate sponge and God, all wrapped up in Cadbury goodness. It's a bit like a mini roll but the shape is different and it's NEW so it must be good.


  • Boeuf Bourguignon
  • New Potatoes with Butter and Chives
  • Bread


    Boeuf Bourguignon
    200g Beef (Topside)
    1 Onion
    1 Carrot
    Tbsp Flour
    Olive Oil
    250ml Stock
    250ml Red Wine
    Bouquet Garni
    Salt and Pepper
    5 Glacé Onions (see 24/3/2005)
    25g Smoked Lardons
    5 Chestnut Mushrooms
    25g Butter


  • Cut the beef into 5cm cubes. Dust with seasoned flour the fry in a little oil until brown on all sides. Chop the onion into chunks and add to the beef along with the lardons. Mince the garlic and mix in, peel the carrot and chop into chunks and add to the pan also. Pour in the wine and bubble for a minute or so then transfer the contents of the pan into a casserole dish. Pour on the stock, add the herbs, season, put the lid on and cook in the oven (150c) for 3 hours. While the beef is cooking make the glacé onions. After about 2 1/2 hours, gently fry the mushrooms (cut into half) in the butter and when soft add to the casserole. Stir the glacé onions in just before serving.


    *All quantities are very approximate and for a single person