Friends, Aah! Wasn't it Lovely, Especially When Monica and Chandler Got Married.

Sunday 24/4/2005

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Diary and Notes

I have decided to begin compiling a list of people I need to punch in the balls should I meet them (if they are female some other part of the anatomy will have to suffice). I intend to have this printed on a small card and laminated, much like the list from friends - a programme so sickly that my television set actually puked on me one day when I left it running by accident. Every member of the cast/crew/writers/producers and audience should also be punched in the balls, but as per the rules dictated in the episode of friends where one of the irritating twits had a laminated card with the names of people he could have sex with and not screw up his relationship with one of the other twits (which you just knew was going to get screwed up anyway), I am only allowed 5 people on my list.

You are probably asking how I know so much about this TV series - it is an unfortunate by-product of living in shared accommodation, especially with American women who seem to find this gumph hilarious and good training for how to be 'kooky' in order to meet men slightly more interesting and better smelling than their current boyfriends.

So who's on my list?

Well, I've only just started thinking, it may take time for me to come up with my definitive list of lists. I really need to sit down with some chums and a bottle or two or Highland Park in order to decide. Perhaps when I go off visiting next time this is what I will drop into the conversation - it should help clarify the prospective victims of my violent tendencies in my mind.

I suppose I should also lay down a few rules, this is a serious business. Should they have to be living, or can I pick historical characters as well? What if they have a weak heart? Can I pick fictional characters - ones from films or books who really irritated me? Should I have categories and only be allowed to pick one from each so as to avoid me becoming boring and listing five fashion designers or politicians.

I welcome suggestions from anyone reading who might want to join in - make your own list and send it to me - I'll happily give your prejudices a place on my vitriol ridden site.

Anyway, the rules I shall have are as follows:

Of the five people, only one may be fictional and only one dead. This lets me pick my most hated person from history and also lets me have that irritating woman from the TV series Keeping Up Appearances a programme so loathsome that punching these people in the balls is not enough and I really would like to see somebody killed, painfully, for having conceived it. I don't watch this programme, but every now and again catch a few seconds whilst changing channels or am forced to suffer a full minute of its mind addling banality when somebody else I am living with turns it on and I am holding something or doing something and incapeable of running out of the room screaming with my hands over my ears. The other three people must be both alive and real.
To add a bit of variety I will also rule that no two may be in the same line of work, or any related topic. So if I pick a politician, I can't have a journalist (as they're too close).

I think that's enough rules for now and apart from the woman stated above I will also take a little while to think about the people involved before releasing my final list upon the world. I will no doubt visit this topic again.

Picking the woman from the TV series mentioned above does prevent me choosing Scrappy Doo, Snarf from Thundercats, Ja-Ja Binks, The Ewoks and Mr Bean for instance, maybe I'll have to think a little harder on this one as well.


And if you're thinking the photos have suddenly gotten better, I've dispensed with the digital camera I bought and gone back to using my phone and its VGA camera (which takes only a fraction of the disk space of the ones my phone took and has much better quality photos).

If anyone is interested (in order to either buy or not buy one of the items I have been using) my phone is a Siemens CX65 and the camera (if it can be called such) is a Goodmans G-Shot 2025 TFT. (The last the letters probably stand for total f----ing toss).

Cake Blog

Spice and Fig Scones: I didn't have any mixed spice so used some Jamaican allspice, cinnamon and nutmeg (a good sprinkling of each) and about 1 dried fig per scone all chopped up. Sounds odd but was quite tasty. (Though not as good as the cherry or double chocolate which are my favourite so far). Only one more scone day to go - I wonder what I'll make tomorrow.


  • Pork Chops with Hoi-Sin and Pineapple
  • Fried Potatoes
  • Courgettes Fried in Butter


    Pork Chops with Hoi-Sin and Pineapple
    1 Pork Chop
    1 Clove Garlic
    1 Slice Ginger
    Pinch Aniseed
    2 Tbsp Hoi Sin Sauce
    1/4 tsp Chilli Powder
    1/2 Onion
    1/2 Can Pineapples in Juice
    1/4 tsp White Pepper


  • Mince the garlic and ginger. Mix with the chilli powder, hoi-sin, pepper, the juice from the pineapples and the aniseed. Place the chop in an ovenproof dish and pour the sauce on top. Slice the onions and mix in, then bake slowly on a low heat until all the juice evaporates and makes a thick sauce. Turn the chop every twenty minutes or so or so (the whole process should take about an hour). When the sauce has thickend add the pineapples (cut into chunks), turn the heat up high and cook for about ten mins more to char the pineapples and pork a little.


    *All quantities are very approximate and for a single person