Not the Dalai Lama

Friday 29/4/2005

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Diary and Notes

I have decided who is to be number two on my list of people to punch in the balls (see 24/4/2005). It came about during a telephone call to one of my chums (Dr. Phillias Welshegg formerly of Atlanta Georgia, now making chemical weapons in Salisbury England) and as soon as I said it I thought "Yep, he's the man for me."

"Not the Dalai Lama." You're thinking, "The title is just a wind up, surely."

And that's where you are wrong. Number two on my list of people I will punch in the balls if I ever meet them is the Dalai Lama.

Firstly I should point out I have nothing at all against the Dalai Lama - he seems like a perfectly amiable chap. I just think that by punching him in the balls certain questions of philosophy could be answered both instantly and beyond doubt. Is he truly the reincarnation of Avalokitesvara the Bodhisattva of compassion or is it all a big con. I think his response would quickly let us know once and for all if Tibetan Buddhism is baloney or kosher. Also, just on novelty value alone, punching the Dalai Lama in the balls is worth doing - who else would do it, it's just not the 'done thing'.

You'd have to do it pretty hard I think, really get a good punch in. I can see the poor sod doubled over in agony holding his groin, his saffron robes all splayed out on the floor as he rolls around groaning. Aah what a cruel person I am.

I should also point out that having somebody's name on a laminated card which says you can punch them in the balls does in fact free you from all karmic repercussions - it is what the Theravada Buddhists would call a skillful action (they don't believe in concepts of good and evil in the way that Western philosophy does). So just by 'carrying the card' I'd be doing good for the universe.

And being celibate, the Dalai Lama doesn't use his balls anyway, so where's the harm in it?


Chicken korma is really easy to make and mild enough that people who don't like curry can eat it. It's not one of my favourites but this one was pretty good. When making the Curry Sauce for korma don't use too much chilli but make it really well flavoured by adding lots or aromatics: Cinnamon, cardamon, clove, bay leaf, curry leaves (neem), ground coriander etc. It's hard to overdo the aromatics so don't worry about throwing in loads. I had some sauce which I'd cooked for ages with lots of spice - it really helped. The pistachios aren't standard, most people use almonds or no nuts at all. The pistachios give it a green tinge which with all the fresh coriander looks pretty good.

Cake Blog

Barfi: A selection I bought from R.L.Hira - everybody's favourite Exeter shop.


  • Lamb Samosas
  • Mint Yoghurt

  • Chicken Korma
  • Basmati Rice
  • Paratha


    Chicken Korma
    4 Large Chicken Breasts
    50g Butter
    100g Pistachio Nuts
    400ml Curry Sauce
    tsp Garam Masala
    Bunch French Coriander


  • Melt the butter in a pan, chop the chicken into chunks and fry in the butter. Add the ground pistachio nuts and the curry sauce and simmer for 15 minutes. Add loads of chopped coriander and some garam masala then stir in the cream and serve.


    *All quantities are very approximate and for four people