Phone/Technology Rant Part I

Wednesday 30/3/2005

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Diary and Notes

I had a cunning plan today, a cunning plan to turn my dull, featureless NoshBlog into a wondrous archive of fine cuisine that all the world will want to visit and people will hail me as a king amongst men, a demigod bestriding the Earth, the modern Heracles of the kitchen an avatar etc...

Ok so I may be exagerrating a little, what I was really going to do was buy a camera so as I could take pictures of my food on a daily basis. This will serve two purposes, firstly it will prove I'm not making things up and secondly, if anyone tries to cook anything I make, they'll have an idea of what it should be like (assuming I don't make a balls up of it myself that is).

So I went hunting for a digital camera that would be easy do download the pictures on and was compatible with the Linux machines here at work (nothing is ever very simple with modern technology) but then I had a brainwave: Don't buy a camera, buy a phone. One of those swanky new ones with email so that I can just email the pictures to my computer and dispense with all the trouble. Sounds simple doesn't it?


It was a foolish plan and one that I am starting to regret - you will hear more in the next few days I am sure.

I initially decided to buy a phone from the same network as my current phone so that all I had to do was move the sim card over and that was all, but it's not that simple is it? Especially when the camera on the phone is as crap as this one was.

What's the use of making a camera so bad that if you photographed a dog, not only couldn't you tell what breed of dog it was, you couldn't even distinguish it from a horse? Yes, the camera was that bad. I tried taking photos of my dinner today (which was a particularly tasty fish dish, which I had made extra special effort to look good for the camera) but it was no good - the photo could have been of absolutely anything, except a piece of fish that is.

I has incorrectly assumes the reason that the camera was included with this phone was so that people could take pictures. What the camera was actually there for was to be a marketing gimmick to enable the phone to be sold to gullible idiots who are unwilling to complain - but the latter part doesn't include me.

So my photo library will have to wait until tomorrow when I take the crappy phone back and get a better (and no doubt more expensive) one - wish me luck, I'll need it.

Cake Blog

Banana Loaf: A cake with bananas. To paraphrase Phil Kaye: "Cake, banana, banana cake...are they mad."


  • Plaice Muenier
  • Baby New Potatoes with Butter and Chives
  • Steamed Asparagus


    Plaice Meuniere
    4 Plaice Fillets
    1/2 Onion
    1/2 Carrot
    1/2 Stick Celery
    Olice Oil
    1 Clove Garlic
    25g Butter
    Tbsp plain Flour
    250ml White Wine
    Fresh Dill
    Fresh Parsley
    Salt and Pepper


  • Mince the garlic and finely dice the onion, carrot and celery then sweat in a little olive oil until soft. Add the butter and melt then sprinkle on the flour and mix in to form a very soft roux. Pour in the wine, some dill and parsley and mix until it forms a thin sauce. Layer the plaice fillets in an ovenproof dish and pour over the sauce. Cover the dish with foil and bake for 25 minutes. Garnish with more dill and parsley.


    *All quantities are very approximate and for four people