What's Wrong With You People?
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Diary and Notes
That's the only word for it, or it isn't the only word, but it's the one I'll be using. It's just too strange for words and I am all of a tizz and perplexed.
I went to a barbecue at my chums Simon and Kath's today and something very odd happened.
"Did it rain? Were you forced to move inside and cook everything in the kitchen as normal?" You ask.
"Of course it rained, this is Manchester, it poured." I reply, "That's not what was strange. What was strange were the blackened tuna steaks I brought."
Now before you all start thinking I've had a cooking disaster, I haven't. They were great. Firm pieces of tuna, with a coating of Cajun spices, cooked quickly and served hot - what could be wrong with that? No, the problem is that nobody would eat them.
Out of a room of seven people there was a vegetarian (Simon, I knew he didn't eat fish so he's off the hook), Kath (American, should like Cajun food) - doesn't really like Cajun food and isn't a fan of things too spicy, Finney, doesn't eat tuna unless it's sashimi (pretentious twerp), Tahira, never eaten tuna and was a little afraid to try it (she out of everybody should have eaten it, firstly she loves spicy food and secondly it was the only halal thing in the place). Gavin, doesn't like tuna etc.
People just wouldn't eat my tuna. One guy, Natt, had some (a few pieces) and confirmed it was good, but the rest, no dice, there was no way that spicy tuna was going either on their plates or in their mouths. What's wrong with these people, tuna is delicious, a delicacy and in Britain an expensive one at that.
So I'm vain and get testy if people don't like my food. I suppose it's not their faults if they don't like tuna or I made it too spicy - I suppose I should be bigger than this and take it on the chin. But I can't. I am weak, a husk of a human being, subject to the weaknesses and foibles of the worst of our race. Refuse my food and you refuse me. You may as well throw a dagger in my heart as turn your nose up at my blackened tuna steaks.
I also made some Cajun style sweetcorn which went down very well. They're boiled in milk for extra sweetness and then spiced and barbecued, one of my favourite ways of cooking corn. The corn aside though, I just don't get it folks, what's wrong with a nice piece of tuna?
Chocolate mousse thingy: Very, very tasty. A sort of cheesecake/mouse hybrid. I don't know where it came from, but I was very happy to eat it.
Blackened Tuna Steaks
Chicken Burgers and a Sausage or Two
|Cajun Spice Blend
1 Part Chilli Powder
1 Part Black Pepper
1 Part Celery Salt
1 Part Cumin
1 Part Thyme
2 Parts Oregano
2 Parts Paprika
|Blackened Tuna Steaks|
8 Tuna Steaks
2 Tbsp Cajun Spice
4 Corn Cobs (Halved)
2 Pints Milk
1 Tbsp Cajun Spice
Tuna: Coat tuna in spice and barbecue until brown on both sides
Sweetcorn: Simmer sweetcorn in milk for 20 minutes. Drain, add butter and spice then barbecue until just turning black.
*All quantities are very approximate and for eight portions