Odd Quirks of the British

Sunday 19/6/2005

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Diary and Notes

I am particularly blaming the people at Old el Paso for what I am ranting about today and offer into evidence an excellent rant about the evils of this company and how 'tex-mex' food has destroyed any chance of the British people of ever appreciating true Mexican food (see View London) but my rant today is less cultured and more about simple mechanics, I put to you the following question:

Why can't even a single person, in this entire country, roll a burrito properly?

It makes me fume! There's nothing more irritating than somebody putting some food in a tortilla and just rolling it up like they do on those stupid adverts by Old el Wanko. Just watch everything roll out the other end, just watch all the slime drip down their chins and onto their shirts, just watch me punch them in the balls.

I try to explain to people how to roll a burrito but do these twirps listen? No, because the advert has shown them how it should be done and that's how they are doing it. Kill the people at Old el Crappo, not for their food, but because you would expect a company claiming to offer authentic Mexican cuisine to be able to perform the absolutely simplest task necessary to qualify it as such.

It's not so hard to roll a tortilla into a burrito, it doesn't take a genius or somebody with the manual dexterity of a locksmith. All that is required is to fold over the bottom before rolling it up, but nobody does it - nobody.

I know people who have been on holiday to LA and come back raving about all the delicious fish burritos, chicken burritos and other assorted burritos they ate whilst there. They then go on about how everybody turns up the end of the tortilla before rolling it and this stops everything leaking out and what a great idea this is. I have then seen exactly the same people completely ignore this sensible technique when in Britain and drop the contents of their tortilla all over the floor when they've stuck it in their idiotic fat gobs.

People are idiots and the sooner natural selection or our own stupidity wipes us off the face of the Earth the better for the sanity of the universe. Mankind is an abomination against the goodness of nature and the British people's inability to roll a tortilla and not have the food drop out is indistputable evidence that this is the case. Bring on the flood, bring on the meteor, let us all be consumed in flames and let the world be at peace.

Cake Blog

Chocolate Tiffin: I'm sure Sid James would have approved.


  • Adobe Turkey Burritos
  • Papay and Red Onion Salsa
  • Salsa


    Adobe Turkey
    500g Turkey Breast
    2 Tbsp Cider Vinegar
    1 tsp Hot Chilli Powder
    2 Cloves Garlic
    1 tsp Oregano
    1/2 tsp Dried Thyme
    1/2 tsp Ground Cinnamon
    1/4 tsp Ground Clove
    1/2 tsp Black Pepper
    1/2 tsp Cumin
    Papaya and Red Onion Salsa
    1 Can Papaya
    1/2 Red Onion
    1 Lime
    2 Red (mild) Chillis
    1/2 tsp Sugar
    Pinch Salt


  • Adobe Turkey: Cut the turkey into chunks. Mince the garlic and mix with the herbs/spices and vinegar. Marinade the turkey for 3 hours. Put onto skewers and barbecue.
  • Papaya Salsa: Chop the onion quite fine and leave the papaya in chunks. Finely chop the chillis. Mix everything together and leave in the fridge for at least an hour before using.


    *All quantities are very approximate and for a single person